Story: While taking a fellow patriot home, a Louisiana state trooper stopped me for "speeding." After asking for a "driver's license", I informed him that I didn't have one. He asked for my name and social security number. I responded "there is no law that requires me to have one." This really pissed him off. "How do you pay your taxes?" I replied,"what taxes?" Thoroughly pissed, he went to his car, ran a wanted check on myself and a stolen check on the car. Luckily, I had a handheld scanner in the car which my passenger was listening to. The trooper wanted to turn the vehicle over to the passenger and take me appx. 17 miles to jail. My passenger,when asked if HE had a license, wisely responded "negative." This sent the trooper into a ballistic orbit. He couldn't take me to jail without having to wait for a wrecker for the car and then he would have to take the passenger into town, some miles away. He issued me a ticket for speeding and another one for no driver's license on person.

When the court date arrived, I had driven the 45 miles to the courthouse. They figured I'd just mail in the money. Wrong. When the judge asked for a plea, I began asking him questions about jurisdiction and venue. Then I steered him into a discussion concerning the "nature and cause of the accusation." He,too, got really pissed, and stammered,"any fool can see the nature of the accusation is speeding !" "Wrong,sir, the accusation ITSELF is "speeding", my question was, and I repeat, what is the NATURE of the accusation ?" Folks, this judge was hot. All the good-natured, homeboy, "I'm your friend" bull ceased. He couldn't answer the question, was prevented from demanding a plea, and he couldn't go any farther(legally, anyway). At this point, I'd painted him into a corner and he knew it. Most of the many locals present knew it, too. I embarressed his honor in front of all the local citizens present. "Let the record reflect that I have entered a plea of "not guilty" on behalf of the defendant." I thanked him for agreeing that I wasn't "guilty" and reminded him that he only could do so if I remained mute, which I was far from being. I went back for the "trial" just to see what was in store. After sitting for 3 1/2 hours, the by now steaming trooper left, and his dual exhaust blasted the pavement out of sight. The judge called recess and everyone began to leave, except me. The clerk of court couldn't find my name on the docket, I asked for "permission" to leave, which was "granted."

Six months later, the assistant DA called me on the phone, wanting me to come back for trial. I reminded him that a lawful arraignment has not been held, and for me to appear again, he would need to have the court issue a notice to appear and have it served personally on me, 45 miles away. For some strange reason, everyone I came into contact with eventually became very hostile and upset. "If you don't come back, I'll have your license suspended." I reminded him I didn't have one, anyway. More hostility. "And if you do have a notice to appear, make certain it has an original signature of a judge, not a rubber stamp, and that it includes the notarized seal of the issuing court."

Well, folks, several weeks later I received a business card from the assistant DA's private law firm, with a "thank you, it's been a pleasure to serve you" scrawled underneath. That was $135.00 that I kept in MY pocket.....